Sunday Service — 20 September 2026 

Scripture: Esther 7:9 

Message at a Glance  Mordecai was carried away from Jerusalem as a captive, yet God made him second to King Ahasuerus — and the gallows built for him fell on the neck of its builder. Your future will not be like your beginning. The God of Mordecai lifts those who look into His face, raise others through personal, unconditional love, sit at the King’s gate for the next generation, and bow before Jesus alone; and He gives victory over every kind of enemy.

Key Scriptures  Esther 7:9 · Esther 2:5–7 · Esther 2:11 · Esther 2:19 · Esther 10:3  Acts 8:25–28 · Acts 9:26–27 · Acts 11:22, 25–26  Psalm 68:31 · Psalm 41:9 · Numbers 33:55  2 Thessalonians 3:1–2 · 1 Corinthians 15:32 · 1 Corinthians 16:8–9 · 2 Corinthians 12:7–9

The Gallows That Turned Around All your deliverance comes through the Word of God, so come to it ready to receive. The text is one verse from a book you know well — the book of Esther, chapter seven, verse nine. 

Esther 7:9  Now Harbonah, one of the eunuchs, said to the king, “Look! The gallows, fifty cubits high, which Haman made for Mordecai, who spoke good on the king’s behalf, is standing at the house of Haman.” Then the king said, “Hang him on it!”

Esther is a remarkable book. It is the book in which India is mentioned — in the very first verse of the first chapter, the word “India” stands in the text of Scripture itself. It is also a book in which the word “God” is never once used. Yet anyone who reads it knows that God is behind every line of it. 

Take that as a word for your own life. Even when it seems that no work of God is visible, the realm you can see is not the real one. God is working for you, caring for you, and doing for you what needs to be done. The hand of God is in your favour. 

Look again at what was read. The gallows that was prepared for Mordecai fell on the neck of the man who built it. Jesus will not allow any plan the enemy makes against you to succeed. Every scheme of the enemy against your life will fail. The will of God, the plan of God — only the plan of God — will come to pass in your life. 

Carried Away — Yet Lifted Up 

Who is this Mordecai? Scripture introduces him in the second chapter of Esther with a single hard phrase: carried away from Jerusalem with the captives. 

Esther 2:5-6  In Shushan the citadel there was a certain Jew whose name was Mordecai the son of Jair, the son of Shimei, the son of Kish, a Benjamite. Kish had been carried away from Jerusalem with the captives who had been captured with Jeconiah king of Judah, whom Nebuchadnezzar the king of Babylon had carried away.

Think about what Jerusalem means. It is the city of peace, the city of blessing, the city of God, the city where the temple of God stands — the city of prosperity, of worship, of prayer. Mordecai was dragged away from all of that. He was taken away from it and carried into captivity. 

“God has seen some such Mordecais in this place. You have been dragged away — carried away — from the blessing of your family, from the blessing of your business, from prosperity, from health and from peace. God has seen those who have gone through such experiences. Today God is standing in your favour in that very place, and in the midst of it God has planned to lift you up.” 

Mordecai was not merely “carried away.” He was in captivity — a slave. Look at such a man naturally and you see no future, no room for hope, only a bound condition. But in the midst of that, God lifted him up. So turn it into your own confession: I am Mordecai. In this New Testament day, I am Mordecai. I may have been dragged away from many blessings, from many favours, from many deliverances and from prosperity; something may have carried me off. But in the midst of it God is standing and working in my favour. 

What became of this Mordecai? Where did the man who was carried away and held captive finally arrive? The last verse of the book answers. 

Esther 10:3  For Mordecai the Jew was second to King Ahasuerus, and was great among the Jews and well received by the multitude of his brethren, seeking the good of his people and speaking peace to all his countrymen.

Read the verse slowly, because five things are said of him. He was second to King Ahasuerus. He was great among the Jews. He was accepted by the multitude of his brethren. He was one who sought the good of his people — a man who stood for the wealth and the blessing of his own. And he spoke peace to all his kindred. 

When you see the future of a Mordecai who was dragged out of Jerusalem in bondage, say, “That is my future. My God is in my favour.” 

Your Circumstances Do Not Decide Your Future 

Young people especially should mark this verse. Some say, “I had bad parenting. There is no room for possibilities in my life.” They are young people dragged away from Jerusalem — captivity, the chains of slavery. “If only my father and mother had sent me to Ooty to study. If only they had sent me to England. I would have reached somewhere in life.” Do not say that. 

Even when the situation is not favourable, the God of Mordecai is your God. If God made a captive second to King Ahasuerus, you must not walk by looking at circumstances. Do not say, “The circumstances are not in my favour — if only the pastor knew my conditions.” Whatever the condition may be, if in the midst of it you are ready to pray, ready to worship, ready to call on the name of Jesus and ready to receive the Word of God, your future will not be like your beginning. 

Your future will not be like your beginning. 

Never forget that there is a God who blesses you, and that His providence makes a way to the royal court. Hear Mordecai’s own testimony: “Look at me. I was a captive. I was carried away from Jerusalem. Nothing was in my favour — but I looked into the face of One.” Even if nothing is in your favour, even if your past is filled with stories of hardship, do not look at that. There is a God who stands with a plan for your future, if you are ready to look into His face today. 

Mordecai did not have surroundings that help a person grow. You know what someone who studies at an IIT or an IIM is likely to become; you know the possibilities there. You know the possibilities that come with a good job, a good education, good parenting. But greater than all of these is the possibility kept for the one who holds on to God and walks with Jesus. Beyond every natural possibility is what God has reserved for the one who calls on Him, who looks into the face of Jesus, who worships in spirit and in truth, who fasts, who prays. No one can predict the future of the one who calls upon Jesus. Carried away from Jerusalem in slavery — but second to King Ahasuerus. Whatever your situation, whatever your past has been. 

From Curse Magnet to Blessing Magnet Some say, “Pastor, I never reached anywhere in life because of the damage my parents did.” May the Lord heal such hearts. Some even say, “It would have been better if I had been killed the day I was born.” 

Hear this clearly: bad parenting never destroys anybody. But the wounds in your heart that have not been healed can destroy your life. What lies inside you as a wound works like a magnet — a curse magnet. It attracts curses. Bitterness, an inability to forgive, a festering wound inside of you — these can draw curses in. 

Pastor then ministered to wounded hearts. In the name of Jesus he declared healing over the wounds people were carrying — over bitterness, over unforgiveness, over festering inner wounds — and led the Church to pray, “Lord, heal me. Heal my wounds. You came to heal the brokenhearted.” 

When you say, “Lord, heal my wounds,” something changes. You become a magnet that attracts the presence of God, the blessings of God, and the blessing and glory of God into your life. 

“You are not a curse magnet; you are a blessing magnet — a magnet to attract every blessing, every word that God has kept for you. Say it in faith today. This is a prophetic word.” 

It is not your circumstances that are holding you back. It is not because the people who were supposed to look after you did not look after you well. It is because you have not prayed as you should, fasted as you should and walked with God as you should that you are not arriving where you ought to arrive. So make the decision today: “I will walk with Jesus.” 

The Quality of Mordecai: He Raised Someone 

What was the quality of this Mordecai? What follows is healing for some parents as well — for when children say such things ten times over, parents begin to brood over their own failures. Look at chapter two, verse seven. 

Esther 2:7  And Mordecai had brought up Hadassah, that is, Esther, his uncle’s daughter, for she had neither father nor mother. The young woman was lovely and beautiful. When her father and mother died, Mordecai took her as his own daughter.

Mordecai had many qualities. One of them is there in the very verse we began with: he spoke good of the king. You must learn to speak well of others. But the quality in this verse is that he raised his uncle’s little daughter, Esther, because she had neither father nor mother. 

Notice what the verse does not say. It does not say he destroyed her because she had no one; he raised her because she had no one. There was nobody to speak for her, nobody to care for her, nobody to look after her — and he did not take advantage of that. When he saw that she had no one, he raised her. Are you ready to raise someone today? You must raise others. Raise, not suppress. He took her burden upon himself. 

She was, in our way of speaking, his cousin; yet Mordecai brought Esther up like a daughter. Had she simply been married off, she might have found a good husband — but she would only ever have been the wife of a soldier, a watchman or a guard. Mordecai realised that God had a great plan for her: she deserves something more in her life; she deserves better. So he accepted a sacrificial responsibility concerning her: “I will raise her. She is not for me. I will care for her like my daughter and raise her.” Is there anyone with such a heart? 

Where Ministry Really Begins 

That is where ministry begins. Not when you stand on a stage or a platform, not when you hold a microphone, not when ten people come and stand in front of you, not when the floodlight hits your face, not when you step in front of a camera. Do you know when ministry begins? One on one. When you care for someone who has no one, someone nobody cares about — praying for them, standing in the gap for them, longing to see them rise up well — your ministry has begun. 

Ministry does not begin when you study Bible verses in Hebrew and Greek. It begins when you are personally concerned about a person, take them on as a responsibility and pray for them. How many carry the conviction that the Lord has called them to ministry? Personal evangelism and personal intercession are the foundation of all ministry. May those who are like that remain in ministry. So ask yourself, and ask the person beside you: do you care for anyone? 

But Barnabas 

The New Testament shows the same quality in Barnabas. After Saul repented and turned to Jesus, the church still did not believe him. Nobody would have fellowship with him. 

Acts 9:26-27  And when Saul had come to Jerusalem, he tried to join the disciples; but they were all afraid of him, and did not believe that he was a disciple. But Barnabas took him and brought him to the apostles. And he declared to them how he had seen the Lord on the road, and that He had spoken to him, and how he had preached boldly at Damascus in the name of Jesus.

“But Barnabas took him.” What was Barnabas’s ministry? When no one else would touch Saul — but Barnabas. Those two words are worth loving. 

Move on to chapter eleven. In that season the church in Antioch is growing, and the news reaches Jerusalem. 

Acts 11:22  Then news of these things came to the ears of the church in Jerusalem, and they sent out Barnabas to go as far as Antioch.

Now Barnabas has a church ministry: he is sent to the church in Antioch. And what does he do with it? 

Acts 11:25-26  Then Barnabas departed for Tarsus to seek Saul. And when he had found him, he brought him to Antioch. So it was that for a whole year they assembled with the church and taught a great many people. And the disciples were first called Christians in Antioch.

When he was told to go and minister at Antioch, Barnabas did not launch a new ministry title, or open his own Instagram page as “the next apostle.” It was not about starting a thing. He immediately went personally: “Where is my Saul? Where is Paul?” He sought him out, called him and brought him. Ministry is like that — it lives within relationships. Your blessings are within relationships. 

If not for Barnabas, there is no Paul. 

It was unconditional love that Mordecai gave to Esther. Mordecai carried out a personal ministry for Esther. 

Philip on the Desert Road 

Consider Philip in Acts chapter eight — a passage you know. 

Acts 8:25-28  So when they had testified and preached the word of the Lord, they returned to Jerusalem, preaching the gospel in many villages of the Samaritans. Now an angel of the Lord spoke to Philip, saying, “Arise and go toward the south along the road which goes down from Jerusalem to Gaza.” This is desert. So he arose and went. And behold, a man of Ethiopia, a eunuch of great authority under Candace the queen of the Ethiopians, who had charge of all her treasury, and had come to Jerusalem to worship, was returning. And sitting in his chariot, he was reading Isaiah the prophet.

Philip is doing a great ministry in the city of Samaria. There is great revival in that city: demons are leaving, the sick are being healed. In the middle of it the Spirit of God says, “Move away,” and sends him to stand in a lonely place where there is no one. Philip heard God’s voice and obeyed. He left the revival and stood on an empty road. 

Along that road comes a eunuch who had gone up to Jerusalem to worship and is now returning in his chariot. He is reading the prophecy of Isaiah and understands nothing of it. Philip is told to go alongside. He draws near and asks, “Do you understand what you are reading?” The man admits that he does not. So Philip sits with him and, beginning from that very scripture, preaches Jesus to him. May some of you do such a ministry — revealing Jesus from any passage of Scripture, leading one person to Jesus, personally revealing Jesus, for the glory of God. 

Now see what was lying behind that lonely road. There is a prophecy in the Psalms of the Old Testament. 

Psalm 68:31  Envoys will come out of Egypt; Ethiopia will quickly stretch out her hands to God.

“Ethiopia shall stretch out her hands unto God.” Ages passed without that prophecy being fulfilled. Then, on a lonely path where there is no one, Philip is led by the Holy Spirit — and a eunuch from Ethiopia is returning from Jerusalem. The prophecy must be fulfilled upon that man. 

Sometimes you may find yourself isolated, standing in a place where there is no one, in order to fulfil the prophecy that rests upon someone. Understand that in the midst of that isolation there is a personal ministry: someone to whom Jesus must be revealed. God is opening the doors of personal ministry. Philip baptised many people in Samaria; but here, on the desert road, he is baptising the next apostle to Ethiopia. 

A Prophetic Word: Nation-Shakers in Your Hands 

“The Holy Spirit told me: upon those who come here and pray in these days, God will pour out a grace, and into your hands God will bring people who will shake nations. You have baptised believers — but God will bring into your hands some who will shake nations. You will equip apostles, you will equip prophets, you will equip evangelists, for the glory of God.” 

Ministry is not a public commodity; it is a private, personal project. 

Do you see one of the qualities of Mordecai? He personally raised Esther. Lift your hands to the Lord: God will make you into those who raise others — those who raise, not those who pull down. 

When Your Heart Wants Someone Else to Grow 

Mordecai’s ministry bloomed through unconditional love and personal ministry. Pastor shared that the greatest revelation he has received from the Word in his own life is this: in everything, one must speak about the Lord personally. 

Be aware that certain battles come when you pray for others. David goes to rescue the sheep — and when he saves the sheep, the lion or the bear turns and comes against David. Some attacks will come. But the sheep must be saved. 

Ministry begins when you pray, and when you love unconditionally. Not from the pulpit, not when you get in front of a camera, not when you pass out of Bible college, not when ten people lay hands on you — those are all good. But ministry begins when your heart unconditionally wants someone else to grow bigger than you. “They must do well. They must be blessed. They must walk in grace.” When the Holy Spirit puts that kind of heart inside you, and you pray for them, minister to them and raise them, that is where God begins to take you and use you for His glory. 

Sitting at the King’s Gate 

Esther 2:19  When virgins were gathered together a second time, Mordecai sat within the king’s gate.

If you can sit at the King’s gate — at His feet — your next generation will grow up in the palace, in the King’s presence. 

“If you are dedicated to sit at the King’s gate, your children will run around in the King’s palace. I bless the next generation in the name of Jesus.” 

How many of you have boarded big aeroplanes? How many drive good cars? How many sit in good business-class lounges? How many have studied in good universities and colleges? Never forget that behind it, somewhere, a Mordecai sat at the gate — at the King’s gate. When you experience blessing in your life, someone or other has sat at the King’s gate for you. If you can discern and understand this, God will take you — God will upgrade you — to the next level. 

There are some smart people who hear a message like this and turn it completely negative: “Pastor, I am sitting where I am because I never had such a Mordecai.” That is immaturity. You be that Mordecai. You are the one who should be that Mordecai. 

You be that Mordecai. Be somebody’s destiny catalyst. 

May God make you a catalyst who pushes others toward their destiny. Mordecai started as a watchman at the gate and became second to King Ahasuerus — your future will not be like your beginning. If God made him second in the greatest empire of that day, God will honour some of you in the same way. 

Mordecai had many special qualities, more than time allows. He was a man who prayed, a man who fasted, a man who carried concern for the people. And day after day he carried one question: what will happen to Esther? What will Esther become? 

Esther 2:11  And every day Mordecai paced in front of the court of the women’s quarters, to learn of Esther’s welfare and what was happening to her.

To know what would become of Esther, Mordecai walked at the king’s gate day and night. What will the next generation become? Are you one who walks and prays to know what they will become — what this church will become, what the next generation within it will become? Do not forget that there are saints who walk and pray in this place day and night. Pastor said he is thrilled by it: people come every evening, and walk, and pray. 

Jacob had a testimony from his earlier years: he worked hard for twenty years, and God blessed him. Many of us have that kind of testimony. But do you know what Jacob’s testimony was when he was old? “I went into the palace of the greatest king of that day, and the king stood before me to receive my blessing” (Genesis 47:7–10). And Jacob could say that for one reason: his son was in that palace. 

For whom is this message? For you. Even if you are praying only from the King’s gate, your generation will be inside the palace. 

“When you are old, God will honour some people here, and their generations, in such a way that they will be able to say: God blessed me, because God blessed my generation.” 

Bow Before Only One 

So say it: “I am that Mordecai.” Women, say, “I am Miss Mordecai,” or “Mrs. Mordecai.” And say this too: the gallows the enemy prepared for me is a barbecue for the enemy himself. Then ask: whom am I raising? 

Why did Haman hate Mordecai? Because Mordecai did not bow down before him (Esther 3:2); that is what stirred his jealousy. So before what do you bow? Before whom do you bow? God’s children who worship in spirit and in truth bow and kneel before only One. To the last drop of blood, it is only for Jesus Christ — our Redeemer, Saviour, Lord, Master and God, who shed His blood for you on the cross of Calvary. Only for Him. 

Five Enemies in the New Testament — and How to Overcome Each 

God gave Mordecai victory over what his enemies had constructed. That is the message. In the New Testament you meet five kinds of enemy, and Scripture gives a specific answer to each. 

1. Unreasonable and Wicked Men — Pray 

2 Thessalonians 3:1-2  Finally, brethren, pray for us, that the word of the Lord may run swiftly and be glorified, just as it is with you, and that we may be delivered from unreasonable and wicked men; for not all have faith.

“That we may be delivered from unreasonable and wicked men” — injurious people, people without faith. These are a group who go about simply to see your misery. When you are sad, they are happy. They may be at the office, at the workplace, at home or in the community. 

How do you deal with them? Paul says: pray — pray that you may be delivered. Have you faced such individuals? Then pray, and pray, and pray. They write bad things about you; they speak badly about you. In the midst of it, what must you do? Pray. Then God will bring you out of the gallows they prepare for you, the trap they set for you and the pit they dig for you. 

2. Beasts — Resist 

1 Corinthians 15:32  If, in the manner of men, I have fought with beasts at Ephesus, what advantage is it to me? If the dead do not rise, “Let us eat and drink, for tomorrow we die!”

Fighting with beasts does not mean Paul wrestled an animal. There were people who were like animals; Paul is speaking of the animalistic human. They treat you like an animal, giving you no value and no respect. 

How should you face them? Resist them. “Fought” does not mean Paul picked a quarrel or went to hit back; it means he resisted. You must stand against them. Apply resistance. 

3. The Messenger of Satan, a Thorn — Be Strengthened by Grace 

2 Corinthians 12:7-9  And lest I should be exalted above measure by the abundance of the revelations, a thorn in the flesh was given to me, a messenger of Satan to buf et me, lest I be exalted above measure. Concerning this thing I pleaded with the Lord three times that it might depart from me. And He said to me, “My grace is suf icient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.

This was a human personality; it was like a thorn, a spike in the flesh. Some say it was an illness. But the Bible is self-explanatory, and when the Bible says “thorn,” look at how it uses the word. In Numbers chapter thirty-three — in the instruction that begins at verses fifty and fifty-one — God says that your enemies will be like thorns against you. 

Numbers 33:55  But if you do not drive out the inhabitants of the land from before you, then it shall be that those whom you let remain shall be irritants in your eyes and thorns in your sides, and they shall harass you in the land where you dwell.

A messenger of Satan sent to torment you, to upset you. This is not talking about your wife, who only says “morning” back when you say “good morning”! It is those who gossip about you, those who torment you, those who keep speaking negatively about you. If they are like thorns, it can make you sick. May there be victory today, in the name of Jesus, over every such enemy who has prepared a gallows. 

What is the remedy? It is in the same chapter. Paul prayed to the Lord, and the Lord said, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” This grace strengthens your soul. Be consistently strengthened in your soul by the grace of God. 

You know about physical strength, and you know about spiritual strength. But there is a place just as important as these: when they torment you, speak negatively, try to strike at you or to wound your mind, your soul is strengthened by grace. Strength is created. May God’s grace increase upon you today — the godly grace that strengthens your soul. 

4. The Adversary — Stand Immovable 

1 Corinthians 16:8-9  But I will tarry in Ephesus until Pentecost. For a great and ef ective door has opened to me, and there are many adversaries.

A wide door has been opened by God — and the adversaries, the opponents, are also many. A door of opportunity has opened, but around it stand those who oppose it. 

Do people not say, “Pastor, just when I thought the visa was sorted, a hurdle came and I could not travel”? “I thought that job was confirmed, and suddenly — I do not know what happened — someone opposed it and it got stuck.” “I started building the house, and suddenly a hurdle came.” You are dealing with the spirit of the adversary. God opened a door of opportunity and favour, but there is opposition. 

“Today, in the name of Jesus, as we worship together, may you enter through that door of opportunity and see victory. God is giving you victory over the forces that oppose you in that miracle. In the name of Jesus, may it happen.” 

It is the same in your devotion. When you feel like praying, something arrives as a hurdle. You feel like fasting — you have been the same seventy kilos for seven years — yet every time you think of starting, there is a hurdle. This is a spiritual enemy, a spirit, an opponent. 

How did Paul claim victory over it? “I will tarry in Ephesus until Pentecost.” I will stay. That means: I did not run away; I did not turn back. The opponents are there — but the door is not closing. The opportunity is not changing. The blessing is not going away. The open door is still there, and the opponents are there too. To overcome, I will be immovable. I will stand right there. I am not leaving my faith, I am not going back, I am not changing. 

I am not turning back — the enemy will be the one turning back. 

I will stand in the door God has opened for me, in the business God has opened for me, in the blessings God has opened for me. I will stay in Ephesus. And do not say that you are leaving the marriage God gave you. 

5. The Familiar Friend — Set Boundaries 

Psalm 41:9  Even my own familiar friend in whom I trusted, Who ate my bread, Has lifted up his heel against me.

“My own familiar friend… who ate my bread.” The most painful and difficult of all these is when a familiar friend becomes an enemy. My bread — meaning that if I bought a burger, he would take a bite from my burger. Someone with that much freedom. 

Do you know when a friend becomes an enemy? When your friend, being close to you, becomes so familiar with you that he begins to disrespect you. When that moment comes, know that this person has all the potential to become an enemy. 

What should you do about it? You must set boundaries in every relationship. 

What does disrespect look like? Suppose a brother sitting here becomes the panchayat president tomorrow. Is that a problem for you? Have a bigger perspective — suppose he becomes the Prime Minister. Until now he was simply your friend, called by his first name. But when he becomes Prime Minister, God has lifted him up. Should you then say, “Hey, what’s up? Don’t talk like that — didn’t we ride bicycles together?” If you say that, it is disrespect. God lifted this person; he is now the Prime Minister, and so you respect him. You played and grew up together, studied on the same bench, ate the same hamburger — but God has now made him Prime Minister. 

And if a friend behaves that way, what should the Prime Minister do? Set boundaries. If a friend does not respect you when God lifts you up, that person has all the potential to become an enemy tomorrow. 

Don’t Build Gallows for Nothing 

Pastor closed by leading the church, with hands lifted, in a declaration: “From all — all — the plans that the enemy is preparing against me, my God delivers me. In Jesus’ name, let it be so.” He then prayed that everyone present would have victory over every plan of the enemy in their lives — whether it comes from friends, family, a neighbour, a church member or anyone else — and that God would lead each one into the destiny He has set for them. 

So return to the gallows that Haman made. If you meet someone who is busy building something against you, tell them: “Don’t build things for nothing.” Some people just sit there constructing things. For nothing. Tell them, “My Lord is with me. None of the things you make will stand.” Then stand in the presence of God, lift your hands, and give a shout to Jesus. 

Key Takeaways  • Your future will not be like your beginning. Mordecai was carried away a captive and ended second to the king. Circumstances, parenting and education do not set your limit; walking with Jesus does.  • Unhealed wounds are a curse magnet. Bad parenting destroys no one, but bitterness and unforgiveness can. Ask the Lord to heal your wounds and become a magnet for His presence and blessing.  • Ministry begins one on one. Mordecai raised Esther, Barnabas sought out Saul, Philip left a revival for one man on a desert road. Personal evangelism and personal intercession are the foundation of all ministry.  • Sit at the King’s gate. Behind every blessing, someone sat at the gate for you. Do not complain that you had no Mordecai — be that Mordecai, a destiny catalyst, and your generation will live in the palace.  • Bow before only One. Mordecai would not bow to Haman. The gallows the enemy builds for you will turn on the enemy.  • Five enemies, five answers: unreasonable men — pray; beasts — resist; the thorn — be strengthened in soul by grace; the adversary at the open door — stand immovable; the over-familiar friend — set boundaries.